Parenting teens… sucks

Written by Celeste Osborne, LPC-S

Like really really sucks.

Like this feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I have birthed 3 children, completed 2 Master’s degrees, and started a business. 

Parenting a teen is a constant battle of wills. It feels like we are constantly fighting and just trying to plead our case with him to do the simplest things, like do your assignments when they are assigned, don’t be late for class, go to bed on time, do your chores (cleaning 2 rooms, 1x a week), and be nice to your brothers.

My kid has big huge goals for his life, like playing professional basketball one day. Now he has an EXCELLENT work ethic when it comes to playing and training for basketball, if that were all it takes to make it to the NBA, I have not doubt he will do it. But when it comes to his school work, it is a different story. As his parent, we are trying to help him see the long game, that what you do as a Freshman in High school will affect where and if you go to college and if you get in to the NBA. 

But listening to his parents, would be the craziest thing on earth. Like who listens to their parents? 

I mean, I like to say I was the good kid growing up and my husband was the trouble maker. I am sure my parents have a different memory of my teenage years than I do. 

I have to remind myself that I had trouble listening to my parents when I was a teen and young adult, believing that they didn’t know what they were talking about and they had never been in this situation before. 

Man, the older I get the more I start to see things from my parents perspective. 

And I probably owe my parents an apology. 

I’m sorry mom and dad, for being such a moody selfish teenager, who wanted what she wanted, when she wanted it. And would stay up to late (reading books, so not entirely bad), roll my eyes, talk back, complain about doing chores, and not do them correctly or on time, just to name a few. I am so very sorry for all the stress I put you through. 

I remember thinking when I was a kid that the adults around me all knew what they were doing and knew how to be parents and do adulting things. 

I see it now, none of them knew what they were doing. Not at all. None of us really know what we are doing as parents, we are just trying to figure it out as we go. So we make mistakes, and we reevaluate what we are doing. We change course, we try another way to get out kids to see things from our perspective. 

But will they ever? Probably, when they are 37 and have their own teenager giving them attitude and not listening to anything that they say. 

But after working with teens as a therapist for the past 10 years, I also see that teens don’t really know what they are doing either. They don’t really know how to be a teenager, they are just trying to figure things out to navigate this life too. They have never been a teenager before, and their bodies are changing and maturing, and their brain is also, but at a much slower pace. And nothing makes sense. 

Our kids are also trying to figure out who they are, what they like, don’t like, how to interact with people, getting in to relationships, making friendships.

They are doing all of this while getting bombarded by information from all sides, friends, teachers, parents, family, social media, celebrities. They are struggling with self doubt and insecurities and want everyone to like them. 

Being a teenager in 2021 is so incredibly exhausting. Everything is a battle, mental, emotional, and physical. 

To be honest I am glad I am not a teen anymore. Adulting may suck, you know the whole decision making thing, paying bills, calling people on the phone, parenting, working, but it is a 1000x’s better than being a teen. 

As I sit here this morning after having had yet another issue with my kid and not taking care of his responsibilities, and missing the bus this morning. I am reminded that being a teen is hard. Being a parent is hard. But none of that changes the fact I love my kid. I want him to grow up and be successful and do great things. I want him to be able to do all the things his heart desires. And so that means doing the hard things now. Like getting him up at 5:30 am to complete some assignments before the 6 weeks is up. And taking him to school when he misses the bus. 

Someone told me when my kids were babies and toddlers that this is only a season and it won’t be this way forever. Well they were right, everything is a season, and as I enter in to the full blown teen season for the next 7 years, (I have 3 kids, youngest is 11). That this too is temporary, it is only a season. I just hope we all survive it. 

So parents, know that you are not alone, keep going, keep pressing on, keep holding your kids accountable, keep disciplining them, keep loving them, and keep supporting them. 

Because one day, they will grow up and go out and do all of the amazing things they are destined to do. 

And of course they will make mistakes along the way. But didn’t we? 

And teens, remember no matter what, you are loved, and you are supported. 

Parenting is hard, being a teen is hard, but you don’t have do either alone.

Here are Restoring Hope Counseling, we have therapists who work with both teens and parents to help them navigate the struggles of life.