Surviving the Holidays
Written by: Brianna Peed, Graduate Student Intern
It is that time of the year again where the expectation is to be full of cheer, joy, and happiness but the reality is stressful, overwhelming, and exhausting. With holidays approaching there is all sorts of pressure and expectations (whether placed on you by yourself or those around you) and it can be difficult to manage.
The first thing I want to emphasize to you is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are so many people who are not feeling the holiday spirit but feel guilt or shame in expressing that. You are not a scrooge or the grinch or a grump. It has been a hard year and your feelings are completely valid. You may be experiencing stress over creating the perfect holiday, anxiety over seeing family members who may not hold the same beliefs as you, guilt from eating specific foods, or depressed because a family member may be missing from the celebrations this year. All of these feelings can manifest into intense mental health struggles and/or physical ailments. It will be important to start taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally in advance.
Here are some reminders to help you survive this holiday season:
Don’t compare your behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel.
Social media is great because it allows us to stay in touch with friends and family members, but remember people post their highlights. Refrain yourself from comparing your struggles to that person who posted their family in matching outfits with big smiles on their faces, thinking to yourself “oh they have it so together, I wish I was more like them”. I am sure behind those smiles are some of the similar emotions you feel, however you would never know from that picture. It will only create more negative feelings to compare a single snapshot of their holiday season to your entire life.
Know Your Boundaries.
If you would categorize your family (or friends) as intrusive and pushy, know what is important or crossing a boundary for you. If there are certain topics you don’t feel comfortable talking about (politics, relationship status, money, when you are going to have kids, etc.), but you know there is that one relative that is going to try to bait you into an argument, know that going in and be ready to set your limits. Firmly communicate those boundaries and don’t take the bait. That may sound something like “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that”. Repeat that as many times you need. You can even give an alternative to that conversation which could sound like “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that, but we could talk about (insert something you are comfortable talking about)”. If they are not respecting that boundary create some space. That may sound like “I still don’t feel comfortable talking about that, so I am going to go talk to Aunt Mary because she respects my boundaries”. If it is a family effort of crossing your boundaries, then do not be afraid to leave. Boundaries are healthy and can be so beneficial for your mental health to start implementing them.
Know your Limits.
This goes along with the previous paragraph on boundaries (hint: they are SO important for healthy relationships). Stress, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion are all things that can come from surpassing our limit. It may feel like you need to go to all 5 of the parties you were invited to, but it is okay to not have the social battery for that. You are allowed to pick only two or three (honestly, it’s okay to pick none if you really aren’t feeling it). There may be some guilt but challenge that because you are making the decision that is best for you in that moment. Another option could be to go to all of them but know that you only want to stay for an hour at each rather than staying the whole time. You know what is best for you so make the decision based on your needs, not what you think everyone else needs from you. Don’t feel guilty providing one side dish for the family meal rather than the five you usually provide. Don’t feel guilty going store bought rather than homemade. You know what you need this year, do not let anybody tell you different. Doing what keeps you happy and healthy does not need to make sense to anyone else.
There are so many ways to improve and maintain mental health during the holiday season. These are just a few and we could be here all day if we talked about every tip and trick. If you are interested in learning more come see us at Restoring Hope!
Schedule a Session at Restoring Hope Counseling Today.
Restoring Hope Counseling has multiple Therapists on staff with some who are able to take insurance, and some who are interns and provisionally licensed staff, who can provide counseling at a discounted rate. They all provide in Person or Telehealth sessions. Visit our “Meet our Team” page or contact us for further information to help you find the person who is the best fit for you.
