How to be an ally supporting Transgender and Nonbinary

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Written by Shawnae Inama, Graduate Student Intern

How to be an ally supporting Transgender and Nonbinary

The first step in becoming a better ally to the transgender and nonbinary is to learn more. There are many things you may not know, and you will probably make some mistakes along the way. It is crucial to understand that it is okay to make mistakes along the way as long as we learn from them. To be an ally is to put in some of the work on your own. It is not the responsibility of the LGBTQ+ community to educate you. You must take accountability and put in work/research. 

Gender is the internal experience of being a man, a woman, a nonbinary, or otherwise. Everyone experiences gender differently and you cannot assume someone’s gender just by looking at them.

  • Gender-expansive: a person with a wider, more flexible range of gender identity and/or expression than typically associated with the binary gender system. Umbrella term for young individuals exploring the possibilities of their gender expression and/or gender identity.

  • Gender-expression: External appearance of a person’s gender identity. Expressed through behavior, clothing, voice, or body characteristics. May not conform to socially defined behaviors usually associated with masculinity and femineity.

  • Gender-fluid: An individual who does not identify with a single gender, may have fluid or unfixed gender identity.

  • Non-binary: An adjective to describe a person who does not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. They may identify as both a man and a woman, somewhere between, or outside of these categories all together.

  • Transgender: An umbrella term used for people whose gender identity or expression is different from the cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender does not imply a specific sexual orientation. Transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

There have been found to be more than 100 sexual orientations and more than 100 gender identities. People are not restricted to the above labels nor any label if they so choose not to be. For some having a label is freeing, and for others they may be more comfortable without a label. Both are accepted by allies. 

How to support the transgender and nonbinary in your life

One of the simplest ways to support transgender and nonbinary individuals is to use their preferred names and pronouns. This shows you support and respect the person’s identity and/or chosen name, whether their name is legally changed or not use their preferred name. Believe people when they tell you who they are and support them. Supporting these individuals is not only respectful but it can save lives. 

If a friend or loved one shares their story or personal experience with their gender remember this is their story to tell and refrain from sharing it for them. Remember that for most this is an uncomfortable and scary time for these individuals and in some environments, it may compromise their safety. Understand the importance and value of disclosure for sharing stories that are not your own. 

As mentioned before if you make a mistake, say accidentally misgender someone, apologize and try not to make a big deal out of your guilt. This could create even more discomfort for the individual who has been misgendered. Demonstrate you care by doing better going forward. 

Above all else, listen, and listen to understand not to respond. No matter an individual’s gender identity or sexual orientation they are human beings who come with their own complex emotions and experiences. Holding space for them is a big way to show your support and care. Even if you make mistakes be accountable and be willing to be uncomfortable possibly listening to those you hurt whether intentional or not.  You can schedule an appointment with any of our skilled therapists here on our website today!

Cómo ser un aliado apoyando a personas transgénero y no binarias

El primer paso para convertirse en un mejor aliado para las personas transgénero y no binarias es aprender más. Hay muchas cosas que quizás no sepas y probablemente cometas algunos errores en el camino. Es fundamental comprender que está bien cometer errores en el camino siempre que aprendamos de ellos. Ser un aliado es hacer parte del trabajo por tu cuenta. No es responsabilidad de la comunidad LGBTQ+ educarte. Debes asumir la responsabilidad y ponerte a trabajar/investigar.

El género es la experiencia interna de ser hombre, mujer, no binario o no. Cada uno experimenta el género de manera diferente y no se puede asumir el género de alguien con solo mirarlo.

De género expansivo: una persona con un rango más amplio y flexible de identidad y/o expresión de género que el típicamente asociado con el sistema binario de género. Término general para personas jóvenes que exploran las posibilidades de su expresión de género y/o identidad de género.

Expresión de género: Apariencia externa de la identidad de género de una persona. Expresado a través del comportamiento, la vestimenta, la voz o las características corporales. Puede no ajustarse a comportamientos socialmente definidos generalmente asociados con la masculinidad y la feminidad.

Género fluido: Un individuo que no se identifica con un solo género, puede tener una identidad de género fluida o no fija.

No binario: Adjetivo para describir a una persona que no se identifica exclusivamente como hombre o mujer. Pueden identificarse tanto como hombre como como mujer, en algún lugar entre o fuera de estas categorías en conjunto.

Transgénero: término general utilizado para personas cuya identidad o expresión de género es diferente de las expectativas culturales basadas en el sexo que les asignaron al nacer. Transgénero no implica una orientación sexual específica. Las personas transgénero pueden identificarse como heterosexuales, gays, lesbianas, bisexuales, etc.

Se ha descubierto que existen más de 100 orientaciones sexuales y más de 100 identidades de género. Las personas no están restringidas a las etiquetas anteriores ni a ninguna etiqueta si así lo deciden. Para algunos tener una etiqueta es liberador, y para otros pueden sentirse más cómodos sin una etiqueta. Ambos son aceptados por los aliados.

Cómo apoyar a las personas transgénero y no binarias en tu vida:

Una de las formas más sencillas de apoyar a las personas transgénero y no binarias es utilizar sus nombres y pronombres preferidos. Esto demuestra que usted apoya y respeta la identidad de la persona y/o el nombre elegido, ya sea que su nombre haya sido cambiado legalmente o no use su nombre preferido. Créele a las personas cuando te digan quiénes son y apóyalas. Apoyar a estas personas no sólo es respetuoso sino que puede salvar vidas.

Si un amigo o un ser querido comparte su historia o experiencia personal con su género, recuerde que esta es su historia para contar y absténgase de compartirla por ellos. Recuerde que para la mayoría este es un momento incómodo y aterrador para estas personas y, en algunos entornos, puede comprometer su seguridad. Comprenda la importancia y el valor de la divulgación para compartir historias que no son las suyas.

Como se mencionó anteriormente, si comete un error, digamos accidentalmente confundir a alguien, discúlpese y trate de no darle mucha importancia a su culpa. Esto podría crear aún más malestar para la persona que ha sido maltratada. Demuestre que se preocupa haciéndolo mejor en el futuro.

Por encima de todo, escuche y escuche para comprender, no para responder. No importa la identidad de género u orientación sexual de un individuo, son seres humanos que tienen sus propias emociones y experiencias complejas. Mantener espacio para ellos es una excelente manera de mostrarles su apoyo y atención. Incluso si comete errores, sea responsable y esté dispuesto a sentirse incómodo, posiblemente escuchando a aquellos a quienes lastimó, ya sea intencionalmente o no. ¡Puede programar una cita con cualquiera de nuestros terapeutas calificados aquí en nuestro sitio web hoy!

Restoring Hope Counseling has multiple Therapists on staff with some who are able to take insurance, and some who are interns and provisionally licensed staff, who can provide counseling at a discounted rate. They all provide in Person or Telehealth sessions. Visit our “Meet our Team” page or contact us for further information to help you find the person who is the best fit for you.

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